It's been a while since I posted something so I feel it's time.

You'd think I'd be full of inspiration after my adventure to the city of Newcastle, but the bad news is I've got nothing, and I think it's because I'm not feeling so good. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm lonely, I don't think it's because I don't have many friends, but that probably doesn't help, It's more to do with me not wanting to be around people because I feel like I'm the odd one out and shouldn't be there or they really aren't my friends, and they are just using me to get something. I know I have issues with trust, it's from past experiences with people, I know not everyone is the same, but if you push someone too hard they start to fail, and I've just been pushed too hard in the past and have lost my ability to trust. Also I find it very had to keep up with conversations with multiple people involved because my concentration is normally drawn to the most interesting person and the rest just fade out into background noise, I also get very sad after a while being around lots of people, I just get this feeling that I really don't fit in, and shouldn't be there.

I'd just like to point out that the not very well hidden message in my last post had no meaning because it didn't happen, it was thought that was quickly pushed aside after posting the blog, I've been pretty much free of that for such a long time now I'd be stupid to continue down that path. I do hate how quickly I come up with another plan that is bound to fail, and then make myself ten times worse when it does, I know I've been told a million times what I should do, but every time refused to even try going down that path, and instead come up with another awesome plan that would fix everything only to find out that even the day after I can't do even the simple things that I've stated that I will do, and I guess it's because I've been making plans that are made to fail.

The most annoying feeling in the world is the feeling like you should be more than you are, the feeling that is always there and never goes away, but you try and try to think what it could be only to come up nothing at the end of the day, and that is the most disappointing thing ever, this is a burning sensation in my mind that I should be doing something, I should be good at something, but I've got no idea what that something could be, and It's killing me.

Newcastle...It's funny how all them feeling come back as soon as I got there. I like very much like going to see my friends, It was very nice being around people that I believe actually like me for who I am, as always there were times where I felt shitty, and I tried so hard not to show it, and I don't know why I try to hide my feeling. I do remember one bit very well that bought back a pretty shitty memory and it was because I heard this song called "The Man Who Cheated Death", and I felt like I was right there at the time when this memory took place and I could feel it like I was actually at that point in time and I felt really bad, and I tried to ignore it so hard.

20-10 is the year it all changed for that youngish old man with black shoes that managed to make it though all that bullshit and lies...Whatever...I love how people feel like they have to wait till the start of a new year to change something about their life's, but if they just did it when they thought of it then it would already have been changed, and they would have that new car that they were going to save up for or they'd have lost that stone of weight, and I'm the expert in changed because I know exactly how not to do it so you really should listen to me so you don't make the mistakes I've been making.

Thanks for watching kids, Love you all....Please ignore my mistakes and retardedness

I seem to have taken a couple of steps back.

Over the past couple of years I felt like I was progressing, getting past my issues, but now I'm starting to feel like that what I tried to change hasn't don't anything, and it gets frustrating feeling like I'm going backwards when I feel like I'm pushing so hard to go forwards. I don't want to feel this way, I can imagine that anyone who keeps up to date with my Blog is already thinking "ffs he never listens" but ffs fuck off if you think that, I wish I didn't feel like this and I'm not going to apologise for it, sorry...Joke I'm not fucking sorry FUCK YOU!

I'm getting older and as time goes by I feel like I'm wasting my life doing nothing, and really I'm doing nothing, I sit here listening to music feeling like shit and trying to imagine what it would be like to die or something like that. I feel like I'm being punished, I'm sure it's not as hard for everyone else, It seem like I'm the only one in the world like me, and it's really fucking tough. I don't think, well I try not to, but sometimes that rusty old ball of mud that is often referred to as the brain has a happening and an outburst of electrical discharges blast through the empty hollow interconnecting tubes that make-up the pathways to another dimension in my mind find there way into what could be considered a thought.

I don't want to do anything, I don't feel like doing anything, I want to be something, I want to feel like I'm good at something. I've felt like I don't want to do things for a long time but now I'm lucky if I can sit down and watch a TV show without thinking that it's shit and I can't be fucked watching it even though I'm just going to sit there being me and doing nothing else, I guess I'm bored of being me, I guess I don't want to be me, I think that there is no point to my life, I hate to say it but there's no point to any of this, we as the human race will be gone faster than the blink of an eye in comparison to the scale of the multiverse...piss off.

I would slit my wrists right now if I knew it would end this retarded thing that is commonly known as My Life.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you and some more fuck you!

scrotum open really really young...

You may remember me from such posts as "Change is here....Power...Thinking...Pussy" and "I had a dream".

My intention here is to write down anything that comes into my head that is true...

I'm 5ft 10" (I'm not 100% sure about this), I have blue green eyes, I weigh about 10 stone (I think I'm fat), My penis extends to 6" and is reasonably think, My hair seems to grow faster on the right side of my body, I often feel sick when I wake up, I ware shoes that are a size bigger than my feet (It makes me feel more manly), I watch porn and wank to it. I've been turned on by a shemale (Until I found out it was a man), I'd love to find a young woman to have babies with (Partly because I want to have little versions of my running around trying to dominate the world), I don't believe in god, I don't think humans are from this planet, I think us humans are destroying the planet (I also don't give a fuck), I hate people that go on about the environment and saving the planet (It's bullshit, go fuck yourself), I have a car that drives me from A to B (It has 6 wheels and an engine the size of 1.4 dogs), Many people think I'm shy but I like to think I'm just ignoring them because they are loud and boring, I don't like drinking (Unlike my mother), I only have a couple of really good friends (I'd like more as long as they don't suck), People who think I should go out more should ask me out more, I'm scared of small spaces but I love the feeling of being scared, I don't like the idea of getting old (I'd like not to die in next 5000 years), I have lots of scars all over my body because I have problems dealing with problems (I hate when people point them out, If I wanted to speak about them I'd start speaking about them), I tell lies just like everyone else, I some times exaggerate the truth to make something sound better or make out it's not my fault, I sometimes get my words mixed up and sometimes say things out loud instead of in my head, I feel really upset when people say things about me and often hide my feelings, I always try to appear happy even when I'm sad (I've had a lot of practice), I've taken illegal drugs and enjoyed them, I've smoked and hated it, I don't think lots of money would make me happy, I've considered suicide so many times I can't count and even attempted to attempt it, I love my friends, I want to change the world with my words.

I've run out of ideas.

I'm not always right, but I'm never wrong, and I believe that if i were ever to be wrong the would would probably explode killing us all, but it wouldn't be my fault.

I'm the sort of person that makes mistakes and then tries to sort them, If someone gets hurt and I was involved it's not my fault so I don't need to apologise, and anyone who believes that I should is a dick, but if i hurt you i probably am sorry, but it's very weak to apologise so I probably wont.

I've finally realized that wishing and hoping thing's will happen is pointless, I'm sure you've all come to the same conclusion many years ago, but I've now without a doubt done the same. I feel like I'm being punished for something that I've done, I guess I just feel like there are things about me that I can't change and it's like "Why me?", and no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to fix them. You maybe wondering what I don't like about myself now I've started talking about it, but guess what??? I'm not going to tell you, maybe you should have a guess and I'll tell you if your right or not...There are a lot of thinks I wish I were and some of them are probably achievable if I really tried but I know they will take a lot of work and most likely end badly and be a waste of time and effort, but like they say "If you don't try, your wont succeed" or something along those lines.

Not many people know that I decided to go to Newcastle to see my very good friend Rocky and his annoying girlfriend Rachel :P (That was a joke Rach!!). As I was driving there I was thinking a lot about when I use to live there and trying not to crash my car into the useless fuckers that pull out in front of you then slow down and act like dip shits on the road, anyway as I got closer I started to feel a little down with all them memories coming firing back at me, and lots of bad thoughts crossed my mind. Then I got to the city and saw the orange glow from the street lights covering the sky's with a wonderful orange tint, well something like that. I stopped for a little while on a random street and tried to pull myself together which I believe I did really well, I sat there for a couple of minutes looking at the path that reminded me about one time I went out and was determined to end my life, I'd been thinking about it the day before, I guess I knew that it would bother me going back so it was all fresh in my mind. I think it's probably one of the main reason I don't go visit Rocky and Rachel much, but I like going there, I like being around people I like. There was a couple of time I wanted to getup and be by myself because I could feel something inside me exploding trying to get out, but I held back. I really had a weird feeling being in my old bed room, I'd lay there trying to get to sleep but instead I'd just be playing back stuff that happened back when I lived there, unfortunately not much of it was the good stuff, bad memories seem to over power good ones.

I think what I need to do is decide what I really want to do with my life and work out what things to really concentrate on. The best thing to do would probably be to make some sort of list that has all the things I want to do and just work my way though them, some things would probably not need to ever be removed and some are not really achievable, but that's why I need a way of working out what is and what isn't so I'll have to make sure I put down all the reasons I should and shouldn't choose to do something, I will keep my options open as always, but I feel like I should really try and focus on a set amount of things. I don't want to be the same all my life, feeling like I'm not getting anywhere so this seems like some sort of solution...I wont hope or wish for it to work I'll just have to make it work :)

FUCKING SHIT GOOGLE DOCS!!! JUST LOST A LOAD BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING WANK, TEACH ME TO USE A SHITTY WANK FUCKING DOG SHIT WEB FUCKING DICK PISS BROWSER APP THING. FUCK YOU GOOGLE AND YOUR SHIT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, HOPE YOU DIE FROM AIDS OR SOMETHING.